I think this is a true life thriller marathon week.
So Michael and I are reclining next to each other on the couch working some math problems on a very large write on/wipe off board.
Michael says, "Look at that", and points to the near, upper corner of the board I've got propped up in my lap.
All I remember is seeing two long antennae. The next few seconds are a blur.
I seem to remember it suddenly leaping down onto the arm of the couch that I was also reclining on, and heading down, where I was also.
Michael, who lost a couple of hero points with me this morning, nimbly leapt up and off the couch, safely away from the creature.
I, in an effort to put some distance between me and IT, raised myself up off the couch in a bridge position, feet on the ottoman, shoulders on the back of the couch.
However, this put me in a dangerous position. Now, I could not get off the couch without dropping back down again. An even more horrifying predicament emerged, I realized my over sized shirt was dangling down beckoning to anything looking for a dark cavernous safety zone to hide in.
I have no idea how I got off that couch. I seem to remember yelling for Michael to help me (and watching him move WAY to slowly), flailing from side to side (I have no idea where the dry erase board was at this point) and frantically wondering where on earth that thing was.
Mind you this had to only be a couple of seconds but it felt like a good hour, life-and-death struggle to me. I finally ended up on my feet and standing next to Michael, both of us peering at the couch and seeing nothing.
Then, I feel it.
AAAAaaaaauuuuuuuugh!
You know bugs are ok. As long as they are in their own zone and out of mine. But there are certain times when they have crossed over the zone that I've had to utilize my God-given authority to squish them.
There have also been very few instances where I've had to strip naked, but this was one of them. Fortunately for Michael, the closet was within 10 feet of me because I ran in there and stripped, faster than a renegade sergeant loses his stripes.
Sure enough, shaking out my clothes, out drops a c.... c..... I can't say it.
Shoes! That's what God made them for!
BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!
Just so you know, this entire episode from beginning to end was paralleled with a non-stop verbal haranguing of my poor non-existent hero. "I TOLD you it would get me! I TOLD you to help me up!!!!"
He said he doesn't like bugs.
Blood and death are OK, it's bugs he doesn't like.
sigh...
I'm going to have nightmares for weeks.
~Faith
.
Oh. My. Word.
ReplyDeleteI don't mind most bugs when they keep their distance. When they get personal, I go into screaming mode....kinda like YOU did!!! And that is exactly why God made shoes!
LOL... too funny. But yet scary. I find myself yelling for my kids when there is a spider in the house. No matter what the size... lol It's funny, us country girls hating bugs...haha.
ReplyDeleteyanno, i had a dream about a week ago that we had those things in the house. they aren't common up here, thank God in all sincerity.
ReplyDeletei just hope it didn't crawl out of my dream and jump across the internet blogosphere and into your home...
but it was a weird dream, the crazy neighbors kept collecting theirs and disposing of them into our house-- until we caught them at it. uggh, dreams!
double-uggh when its reality!!!
Please don't tell anyone, but I had the same experince with a ladybug. hehehe. Luckily I was alone, and yes, I didn't strip.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh I think I re-opened my hernia laughing.
ReplyDeleteThat is too funny! My girls are the same way. If I'm home, and a bug is spotted they plead and beg for me to come kill the thing. It makes me wonder what you females would do without us men around? Grab a shoe I suspect. Ha Ha
ReplyDeleteCyn,
ReplyDeleteYeah, the whole personal boundary thing is messed up when they are actually in your pants! LOL
~Faith
SBF,
ReplyDeleteSpiders used to make my lip twitch. No lie.
~Faith
Icebear,
ReplyDeleteThe first time I saw one in my house I freaked. In Ca you don't have them unless you have the reputation of being a dirty person.
Here they are all over the outdoors, so they are bound to wander in once in a while. I still have to fight that feeling dirty thing, though.
Wouldn't that be something if every time we dreamed a creature we made it appear in someone else's life? LOL "Great! Michael, there's another snake the size of a bus in the yard!"
~Faith
SFG,
ReplyDeleteI've had so many ladybugs in my pants, mostly when I was young. I used to move the irrigation pipe in our alfalfa fields. Invariably those ladybugs would end up crawling up your leg.
Those were the good days. I had a lot of bugs crawling up my leg at that time - the worst being an earwig that left tiny 'dracula' pinch marks every 3 inches up one leg, across my stomach, and down the other leg by the time I made it up to the house to tear my clothes off. No way I was going to rip them off in front of my brother! LOL
~Faith
Mountain Boy,
ReplyDeleteI think I'd end up doing what I've had to do my whole life - save myself. LOL
I've had to chase bats out of the house while my husband was too afraid to get out of the bed. Snakes in the living room - bags and mixing bowls can do the trick.
But bugs.... so many of us do have a special aversion to them. I have a friend who has no problem picking up the long-legged ones by the leg with her fingers and setting them outside.
I KNOW i ought to be able to do that... but I sure have no desire to. Maybe I should look at it as a personal challenge... (gives me shivers) wooooooooh!
~Faith
Sweethearts,
ReplyDeleteIt only hurts when we laugh. ;o)
~Faith